The Secrets I Keep

A woman's heart is a deep ocean of secrets. But now you all know there was a man named Jack Dawson, and that he saved me, in every way that a person can be saved.

Old Rose, from Titanic 1997
Directed by Jean Negulesco

I wish that I were an open book, but that simply isn't so. My life has many pages which are public and messy but many more than no one may share.

There have been opportunities of which I took advantage. There are others I missed altogether.

I have loved and won. I have also loved and lost.

I have seen into that deep chasm into the heart of the monster. I dare say there were times when the monster saw into my heart.

Still others where I became the monster.

There were many true friends. There were many others I thought were friends who merely used me spitefully for their own ends.

I pursued the company of others. Others pursued my company as well. There were times I wish I'd just left well enough alone and I'm sure there are those who feel the same regarding me.

I have stood on the mountain top like Martin Luther King and Moses and beheld the promised land. I traveled long and hard and along the way partook of happiness and sorrow and wonderment and wistfulness.

For all the times I learned I took the time to also teach. I once knew the love of God Almighty and though that loss of His favor still pursues me I am hopeful for the future.

Surely this world will not be allowed to become all those fears I see on the horizon. I can only remain that which I have always been, a man; imperfect and pursuant of those things I value.

I only hope that those valuables are sufficient when my story is finally done ... whenever that may be.