scis te ipsum
Know thyself. In the original Latin, scis te ipsum.Know thyself, and thou shalt know all the mysteries of the Gods and of the universe.I have been pondering the sage wisdom which admonishes us to know ourselves. Always one to seek arenas of self improvement I have attempted to internalize various steps toward that end.
Inscription on the Temple of Apollo at Delphi
I attempt to quiet that rage which dwells within as a result of the PTSD I acquired from my youth. It is a difficult matter to collect thoughts when they are bouncing about in a cranium full of the disquiet of quiet rage. However, I am quite known for that level of uneasiness I try to quell as a function of self awareness and introspection. I am an animal of constant suppression and self control which is often not evident to some unskilled incorporated municipality CIO female.
Though I would like to be one thing, I am in actuality something else. That outward appearance of intellectual prowess is simply a function of that complexity which confuses each moment. My career was one of networks, interactive programming, facets of artificial intelligence, and systems designed to replace domain experts in the field. Then I find myself in those intellectual quagmires that actually pay the bills.
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I am good at much. Likewise I do poorly in many areas as well. I pursue those aspects of my existence which enhance my life experience even in the absence of true value to the world proper. I write code segments and batch files to handle various things I want done regardless of the common good.
This indicates a level of selfishness.
Alas, I have no passion. I once was passionate about medicine and health care. This passed with the absence of the committment to attend those classes which leads down that path. When the registrar told me "only 16 more years of school to go" I had to admit to the fact that I was not even remotely interested in another 16 years of school for anything and I put it all down at that moment. This lead me to declare that I didn't have the interest or committment and I departed matriculation never to return.
Plan B was good enough for me.
I repeatedly solicit feedback into my existence. There are comments on this blog but the venue remains unattractive to various others. I get rather empty commentary and a lot of outside hate mail when I raise the hackles of various differences and exceptions to my positions. However, I do not let this faze me because I know who I am, where I've been, and most importantly where I'm going.
The path less traveled has indeed made all the difference.
Relationships come and go. If I connect with someone I typically find it's way too late for anything meaningful with the fairer sex. They have had children with another and are fed up with the relationship thing and this is fine. However, I choose to limit my involvement with most others outside the realm of "friend" and indeed, I am happier for it I think.
I am difficult to be close to for sure. Very few have what it takes. I know a few but they are the strong independent type like me. Opposites attract. Likes repel.