2022-01-25

Reflecting on loss and matters of the heart

broken heart    

I have experienced a lot of personal loss lately.

Normally it all rolls off like water on a duck's back — but I'm afraid some of it has hit too close to home to ignore that emotional suffering I feel when something or someone to which I have a strong or long standing attachment is taken away.

Yeah some of it was losing an old Navy buddy, other parts an entertainer I once enjoyed and a even musician for whom I had great respect but ...

The loss of my auntie added to the mix has given it all a feeling of emotional shattering and stupendous forfeiture of that which I once felt was mine.

It's all had me pretty sad of late and I'm not the focus of the loss by a long shot.

Trying to help others through the loss likewise seems pretty remote.

Something about feeling wounded and vulnerable doesn't promote a viable advisory capacity regarding matters of the heart.

The perceived helplessness of the human condition is at once frustrating and overwhelming.

The transient nature of loss and grief somehow pale in the presence of what I know.

Yeah, I can handle it though it feels overwhelming and I try to cut myself some slack. The ups and downs are mostly downs of late and I understand that this is the way it goes sometimes. The intrinsic meaning is not there for me aside from recognizing the cycle of life and that which I have experienced will only repeat over time.

All I can do is hang in there.