My Imperfect Life
My pursuit of diminished flaws and defects as they relate to my existence is a topic for which I am pretty ambivalent. There is this notion that I should aspire 'to be perfect in every way'. Then there is that stark reality that all too often those frailties which are certainly included in that who I am culminate in a never ending stream of situational transgressions of what "should have" compared to "did" happen in various practical life scenarios.Over the years I have noted that my hopes or ambitions toward achieving that lofty goal of interpersonal appropriateness typically fall to the same subset of idiosyncratic perfunctory manifestations such as:
 Alex |
• TMI
• profanity
• propensity for bawdy humor
• extravagance
• tendencies of a loner
• abruptness
1. My Temper
My impetuous youth has resulted in an adult with limited tolerance for exploitive, pushy, arrogant types — of which I might ascribe my own behavior in a previous era long ago ... and for which I am quick to throw up an impenetrable agressive defense which I personally view as effective at thwarting users, abusers, and other manifestations of the con artist, liar, thief, cheat, or lying ass technical college administrator.
2. Too Much Information
Oh boy! TMI has been a constant thematic element in my work relationships whereby I like to indulge my hobby of toying with coworkers in order to "get a rise out of them". Typically, while the intent is harmless I sometimes get carried away. However, I've been working on this and find this particular state of being to be improving, comparatively speaking.
3. Profanity
The salty sailor in me has been known to come out at the most inopportune times. While I have never been a fan of "mindless swearing" it is duly noted that my efforts to clean up my speech will continue as time goes on. I shudder to think that my exceptional vocabulary should be wasted on the banality of an inability to say what's on my mind without swearing. I keep plugging at it.
4. Propensity for bawdy humor
In keeping with profanity I find some of the most humorous things I enounter to be somewhat on the bawdy side of the equation. I think this too is a throw back to my Navy days ... and while I don't think it's particularly edifying I see the notion continuing in the foreseeable future. I used to fancy myself a comedian. Those days being long gone I think I crossed over to the dark side of humorousness in the mid 1970s. Must have been one too many Rudy Ray Moore records at the Wagener Drive In or something.
5. Extravagance
I spend too much money. I enjoy my petty creature comforts as well as fine dining and the full gamut of entertainment indulgences which leaves me wondering just why the immediate gratification is a worthwhile endeavor afterwards.
There is this notion of a 'penny saved' being a 'penny earned' and in that vein I could certainly use more savings and less expendatures. Like everything else, I'm working on it.
6. Tendencies towards being a loner
Now, at first glance this might be a disturbing image in the minds eye; until you remember that I am immersed in people for the vast bulk of my work week. The concept of "loners" and socialization is certainly not lost on me. It's just a difficult matter for me to be this social butterfly after I've spent 40 to 60 hours a week indulging all manner of the whims of others. After all, I sometimes feel that I am the only one undeserving of "down" or "me" time. Loner is a harsh term but far be it from me to spare myself an accurate description of appearances.
7. Abruptness
Abruptness manifests itself as anger, flippance, or a variety of other things based on the circumstances. Though it is never my intent I noticed just last night at my mother's house how abrupt I come off at times in the full presence of "feeling normal" and "without anger" at all. Toward that end I will attempt to project a softer reaction ... particularly toward my mother — without getting all disgustingly kissy faced as is the habit of some I have encountered over the years. Looks can be deceiving. Appearing short isn't always some crabby countenance. It's sometimes part and parcel to some troubleshooting event.
Anyway, I get the impression that my neighbors would like me to be a little more friendly and outgoing. I don't really see it happening in the foreseeable future.
I don't feel obligated to provide anyone with predictability nor excessive ebullience or effusiveness in my activities of daily living. I do endeavor to be presentable in polite company as well.
So, be all of this as it may; I recognize my shortcomings. I try to work on those I can control effectively and wrangle with those I cannot — and most importantly:
I try to understand the difference between them.
Cheers!