International Masturbation Day
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Today is a day set aside to recognize those many of us who choose to take matters into our own hands ... yes ladies and gentlemen it is National Masturbation Day aka International Masturbation Day.
In Great Britain and Austrailia the day is known simply as "Wankers Day" and is observed in those countries each July 21 to make known the right to masturbate.
It seems the day was begun in honor of Surgeon General Joycelyn Elders, who was summarily fired by President Clinton for suggesting that masturbation was a suitable part of student sex education curricula in the United States.
As we all now know, Mr Clinton prefers such things be done by a female partner, preferably wearing a stunning blue dress upon which the act is consumated along with a large marinated cigar. He also is said to enjoy the option of biting.
The month of May has even been declared International Masturbation Month so all you purveyors of self love give yourself a big hand and get right on out there and start choking those chickens.