I have to cry it all out

I have to cry it all out because if I keep it all inside I'll explode. The notion of men crying is pretty much verboden in my lifetime.

It was not viewed as "manly" nor did it impart anything in the way of endearing thoughts in those witnesses of it ocurring.

Just a spectacle put on by a weak man unable to attain forward motion.

So to conform to those expectations of society it becomes an occult affair not to be shared before any prying eyes and that's how it's been forever.

I read how "soul cleansing" and "healing" the act of crying is supposed to be. I'm afraid I've never gleaned any of those benefits either.

Again, it's more of a release valve for all that I am and that which I've done as it pressurizes my existence to the breaking point at times.

Leaving me to pursue those avenues of relief as best I can.

I've suffered those consequences of my behavior after hours. I've pleaded with God to deliver me from the torture.

I've waded through the contempt of my peers who would shun me as the sniveling wreck I sometimes become ...

And so it has been for the entirety of my existence.

We cannot help who we are. It is said we can change what we are by evolving into something else that we become.

I only hope my final reward is good enough to pay those debts accumulated by my actions; or lack thereof.

The hopes and dreams of a man are measured primarily in those effects he has had upon others.

Therein lay the crux of the issue.